It's All My Fault
by tasteslikesoap
Summary: Angst AU fic, if you don't like angst, do not read. Kate chases down a suspect when all goes wrong. I would love reviews. One shot. COMPLETE


**Why do I do this to myself? I'm sorry for all who will read this, okay? This is a warning. It's a story of angst. There will only be this chapter, it is a one shot. These characters are not mine, and if there are mistakes, sorry. Okay here goes...**

He had bolted when I annouced I was NYPD. My legs were burning like crazy, I had been chasing after him for twn minutes straight. He was turning down an alley and I was losing sight of him, fast.

I turned down that exact same alley mere seconds later. He was gone. I slowed, panting heavily, gun raised, eyes frantically scanning the small space.

The only sounds to be heard was my laboured breathing and the rapid beating of my heart in my ears.

I strain my senses, to find any clue as to where Anthony Mayer may have been hiding. But there was nothing, and I slowly lower my gun, when suddenly I hear a shoe scrape on a stone not far behind me. On instinct I spin and shoot.

A groan escaped the man's lips. I let out a gasp when I hadn't shot our suspect in our triple murder case, but my husband. The father of my two year old son with a daughter on the way.

"Rick," I manage to scream. I stumbled to where he lay on the cement, groaning in pain. "Castle. Oh my god."

"Kate," he whispered as I lean down, and kneel next to him.

I shout into my walkie, calling for an ambulance. My right hand falls to the wound, putting pressure on it, to clot the bleeding.

"Sh, don't talk. I'm so sorry Castle. I love you so much. Why can't you just listen to me for once?" Tears are streaming down my face at this point, and I can do nothing to help but put pressure on the wound.

"Beckett," he whispers, trying to catch my attention. "Kate." I look at him, pain swimming in his grey orbs.

"Kate, I love you so much. I should have stayed. I wanted to make sure you're okay, pregnant and all." He smiled gently at her.

"Rick don't leave me, don't. Don't leave our children without a father, me without the love of my life." My voice was failing me, cracking, soft.

His breathing got slower. His eyes got heavier. "No, no Rick. Rick!" I screamed. "Look at me! I'm sorry! Please," I sobbed.

He couldn't leave, not now, not ever. "Kate. I know I promised you always, but I'm sorrt. I love you so much honey."

"I love you too, baby. It's all my fault."

At least a minute of silence passed before I heard the sirens of the ambulance in the distance.

My eyes travel back down, he wasn't breathing. I sobbed and screamed his name repeatedly, but he gave no reaction.

"Rick!" My throat burned with the vibrations in my vocal cords.

What had I done? This was all my fault! He didn't deserve this. I was still crying when the paramedics arrived.

The had to hold me back, kicking and screaming. Squirming trying to get out of his strong grip. "Let me go! Rick! No!"

I looked up to the paramedic treating him. He slowly shook his head, it was too late. He was gone. "No! Rick! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault," I cried.

It was sixteen years later, when I had found a letter in my son's closet. I was helping him pack for college. I unfolded the wrinkled piece of paper, and my late husband's writing stared back at me. It felt as though it was taunting me.

I sat on the bare mattress, and silently read the letter.

"Dear Kate,

If you're reading this, it either means I am not with you anymore or you found where I was hiding this. I guess I just want you to know how much I love you. I know sometimes I don't show it very well, but I do. You are the love of my life, my soul mate. I wake up next to you every morning and my heart still flutters.

I wish when I promised always, that we had forever together. But that will never happen. Maybe in another life, we will meet again, but until then, you should move on. I don't want to be the one holding you back even if I'm not around. You deserve to be happy.

I know when I am gone, our children will have the most amazing upbringing. You are the perfect mother, absolutely perfect.

I love you so much my love. Love you so much that words could never describe.

Always

Rick

xxx"

It was dated the day before he had left this earth. I was crying by the end of the note. Rick, always so optimistic. Another life? What else had he believed in? A soft sigh startled me.

"Alex. Hey. Nearly ready?"

"What's up?"

I showed him the letter in my hand. "It's from your Dad."

"It's not your fault. You've been tell Val and I your story for months now. Yeah we were shocked when you told us what went down that day, but we don't blame you. You shouldn't either," he whispered while pulling me into a hug.

I kissed his cheek in thanks. "Come on, let's get your sister. You're off to the airport."

"Val!" he shouted up the stairs.

After saying our goodbyes, Val and I turned on the television and went channel surfing. We stumbled across a Temptation Lane marathon, and indulged in it while eating ice cream.


End file.
